What EMDR helps with
EMDR for grief that will not finish
Grief is not a disorder. But when a loss stays as sharp at year three as it was at month three, something in the way the memory was stored may be keeping it there. EMDR aims to help with exactly that.
When grief gets stuck
Normal grief changes shape over time. It does not disappear, but it stops ambushing you. Stuck grief is different: the moment of the news, the hospital room, the last conversation or the one you never had keeps replaying with the same force. You may avoid the places and dates that bring it up, or feel guilt that will not move, or find that the loss has quietly become depression.
Many of the people I see have lost a parent, a spouse or a child. Others are grieving a miscarriage, a divorce, an estrangement, or a version of their life that ended with an illness or a diagnosis. The shape of the loss matters less than the fact that it is not moving.
How EMDR works on grief
EMDR, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing, works on how a memory is stored rather than on how you think about it. In sets of bilateral stimulation, the memory of the loss is held in mind while the brain does the processing it could not do at the time. The pain does not vanish, but the aim is for it to change from a wound into a memory, so you can remember the person without first being hit by the death.
In an intensive, we have time to go through the whole sequence of a loss: the worst moment, the moments around it, the beliefs it left behind ('I should have done more', 'I can't survive this'), and the future situations that still feel impossible.
Focus or Depth for grief
A single, recent, uncomplicated loss often fits a Focus Intensive: one 3-hour EMDR block on the worst moments and the beliefs they left. Grief layered on older losses, or a death that was sudden, traumatic or followed by a long dispute, usually needs a Depth Intensive so we can work through the sequence across two 3-hour EMDR blocks without rushing.
Faith can be part of the work if you want. Many grieving clients bring questions about God into the room, and I am comfortable with those questions. If you would rather keep the work secular, nothing is lost.
Questions
How soon after a loss can I do an EMDR intensive?
Will EMDR make me forget the person?
I feel guilty about things I did or did not do. Can EMDR help with that?
Book a Free Consultation
Free 20-minute consult. The consult confirms your state, fit, and which option suits you.